Emanuelle

God with us.

What a thought! What a challenging thought.

Christmas time is always filled with sermons about this most basic of concepts for Christians. Because at the heart of our faith is a very simple idea. Emanuelle. That we have a God who would love us so much that he would actually come and dwell with us, in all our squallor and pain.

And as the Christmas season rolls around again and I am confronted once more with this message, I'm a bit saddened by the fact that I still can't blindly accept this core tennent.

I admit that I feel a bit like a man who comes home for an annual visit with his family, only to find that everyone has packed and moved away with no forwarding address. It's making me think long and hard about what I believe.

Let's face facts: What's the point of believing in God if I can't have this ideal. What's the use of having a God who's just "out there?" It does nothing for me. It gives me no real solace. It gives me no real connection. It only serves to provide, at best, a rudimentary semblance of reason to the chaos, and really, when you think about it, science already does this job quite well without all the baggage.

But "God with us?" That's a whole 'nother story. That's where the rubber meets the pavement and faith really starts to take me places. Because Emanuelle isn't just an ideal or a reason for being or even a comforting story to chase away the fear of death. No, the idea of God with us is a personal connection to the Creator of all things, and an invitation into a familial relationship with him. It's the act of a lover who pursues his bride, no matter what the cost to Himself, just for a chance to know her - to know me.

There is simply no comparing this sort of faith with any of the watered-down versions of Christianity. Because if God is not personally involved and physically real, then why be involved with Him? Salvation becomes meaningless and my longing for connection to something greater remains unfulfilled. If God is vengeful, again I have no point in pursuing him. I'm damned before I begin. I am but a plaything that can be tossed away at a whim. But if I am known and loved before I even recognized Him or lifted a single finger to act on His behalf? That makes all the difference in the world. That makes me important and satisfies all my deepest desires. And really, why waste my time with anything less?

I want so long to connect with this again. I long for a simple faith in a powerful, but gracious God. I desire the comfort of a loving creator. But all I seem to find instead is an impotent God of my own creation.

So really my dilemma is less about finding God, as much as it's about reconciling my ability to believe that a creator - one that is wild and outside of my sphere of control -would spend so much effort to pursue and know me. It's plain stubbornness on my part. I'm just not willing to settle for a shallow faith that is based on doing good deeds and believing in a vague concept of God loving us. If I'm going to believe, then I need a full and rich understanding of what it means to be loved and cherished by a God who would be willing to come and stand beside me, both in life and in my place at judgment.

How much easier to walk into any situation if I'm with a "dad" who is not just "out there" but with me. I am empowered and given the confidence to pursue adventure without the fear of being alone. I'm secure in the knowledge that I am created for glory. And I am comforted continually by a never ending flow of grace and love.

But for now, I try not to dwell too deeply for fear of finding nothing where I sought comfort and being faced with a finite existence in an infinite universe.